Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Jack's Charrie's

5 posters

Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:31 pm

Name: Jack Harkness
Creature: Demi-God
Gender:male
Age/Birthday: 13/ 15/07/1998
Country of Origin:Scotland
Years at Camp:2
Mortal Family:Missing
God Parent:Ares
Skills/Talents:swordplay, wrestling
Powers:War and Battle strategy (Gran Mom is Athena) War helps him in BATTLE And Battle Strategy helps him Plan.
Flaws (min 2):Anger and Trust Don't anger Him But you can Trust him although he can't trust you!
Weapons:a sword and dagger
Pets:none
Physical Appearance (min 5 sentences): He is 5'10". He has Brown hair, Blue eyes. He wears Black metal combat pants, a Punk shirt and ripped jean jacket (no sleeves) and Blue sport shades over his eyes.
Personality: He is ADHD and Dyslexic. He's rude to guys and certain girls. He hates allies dying. He want to destroy the Titans. He gets angry extremely quick. He loves hockey.
History (min 5 sentences):He ran away from home but he's always welcome back. He was captured by Luke Castellen and was forced to join the titan army. A few years later he ran away for them and made his way to camp half blood. He's dated 4 girls. His Training is taught by His father Ares.
Other Notes About Character:Year-Round
Rough copy.


Last edited by Jack Harkness on Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:05 pm; edited 4 times in total
Gh0stFlame
Gh0stFlame
Newbie
Newbie

Posts : 19
Join date : 2012-01-09
Age : 1023
Location : Haunting wherever I please

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Hawk Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:47 pm

Ares does not have control over Fire or water.
could you expand on all your sections, it is very minimal, and I would like to see some more effort.
Hawk
Hawk
Admin

Posts : 565
Join date : 2010-06-24
Age : 31
Location : Camp Half Blood

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

http://everythingrandomblogs.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Lord_Blazy Mon Jan 09, 2012 8:06 pm

Expand more. Don't use choppy sentences like you have. Expand on the flaws a bit. Make it longer. Fill us in more than this. Don't just label his likes, say more about HIM. And please just expand. Thank you ^-^

Lord_Blazy
Newbie
Newbie

Posts : 59
Join date : 2011-07-27

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:32 pm

Name: David Harkness
Creature: Demi-Titan
Gender: Male
Age/Birthday: He is 14. 15/07/1997
Country of Origin: Scotland
Years at Camp: 2
Mortal Family: Missing
God Parent: Oceanus: sea
Skills/Talents (min 2): sword play, swimming
Powers - Must Relate to God Parent (min 2): Hydro-kinetics and Hydroponics
Flaws (min 2): Personal loyalty and Hubris
Weapons: Same as Jack
Pets: None yet
Physical Appearance (min 5 sentences): He is 5'10". He has Dirty Blonde hair, Green eyes. He wears red metal combat pants, a Punk shirt and ripped jean jacket (no sleeves) and Red sport shades over his eyes. Also he wears a Necklace that turns into Armour.
Personality (min 5 sentences): He is ADHD. He has a issue with allies dying. He has a heights problem. He is very random. He loves drowning people.
History (min 5 sentences): He and Jack live together in the same House with a couple of friends. The time without their mom is ridiculous. They have both dated 4 girls. The amount of time in the ocean is crazy for him. He is trusted by Jack
Other Notes about Character: Same as Jack.

rough copy


Last edited by Jack Harkness on Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:03 pm; edited 7 times in total
Gh0stFlame
Gh0stFlame
Newbie
Newbie

Posts : 19
Join date : 2012-01-09
Age : 1023
Location : Haunting wherever I please

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Hawk Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:38 pm

you need to expand more on the Physical Appearance, Personality, and History
Hawk
Hawk
Admin

Posts : 565
Join date : 2010-06-24
Age : 31
Location : Camp Half Blood

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

http://everythingrandomblogs.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by spaceraiderz Tue Jan 10, 2012 2:33 pm

Okay, so I know you've already been told by these guys to expand, but I'm going to make another suggestion. Before you post a character, run it through a Word document. This'll check for grammar and spelling mistakes. Also, using Word, you could measure how many words are actually in your sections, and set yourself targets, i.e. 200 words for History, 100 for Personality, etc etc.
All we're trying to do is help you improve your writing ability. You'll thank us some day, believe me. ^^;

-- Link;
spaceraiderz
spaceraiderz
Jack of all Trades; Master of None

Posts : 53
Join date : 2011-06-07
Age : 26
Location : Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun.

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:03 pm

Spoiler:

Spoiler:


Last edited by Jack Harkness on Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:58 pm; edited 2 times in total
Gh0stFlame
Gh0stFlame
Newbie
Newbie

Posts : 19
Join date : 2012-01-09
Age : 1023
Location : Haunting wherever I please

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by #Megz Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:16 pm

Jack is accepted.
For David could you elaborate more on his necklace turning into armor?
#Megz
#Megz
Master Member
Master Member

Posts : 1238
Join date : 2011-07-29
Age : 26
Location : None of yo damn buisness

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by #Megz Wed Jan 11, 2012 4:02 pm

David is accepted
#Megz
#Megz
Master Member
Master Member

Posts : 1238
Join date : 2011-07-29
Age : 26
Location : None of yo damn buisness

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame Wed Jan 11, 2012 4:40 pm

Thank you megz!
Gh0stFlame
Gh0stFlame
Newbie
Newbie

Posts : 19
Join date : 2012-01-09
Age : 1023
Location : Haunting wherever I please

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame Mon Mar 05, 2012 6:36 pm

Spoiler:


Spoiler:


Last edited by Cpt. Jack Harkness on Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:15 pm; edited 5 times in total
Gh0stFlame
Gh0stFlame
Newbie
Newbie

Posts : 19
Join date : 2012-01-09
Age : 1023
Location : Haunting wherever I please

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Hawk Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:28 pm

can you add more for personality and fears. Leo needs a physical appearance, and Angelica needs a history.
Hawk
Hawk
Admin

Posts : 565
Join date : 2010-06-24
Age : 31
Location : Camp Half Blood

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

http://everythingrandomblogs.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Hawk Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:20 pm

OK my biggest problem with these two charries is that they are pretty much exactly the same charrie, so I want you to come up with two different ideas, and try not to make them related to eachother that way you wont be able to put the same things down for both of them.
Hawk
Hawk
Admin

Posts : 565
Join date : 2010-06-24
Age : 31
Location : Camp Half Blood

Character sheet
Character Sheet:

http://everythingrandomblogs.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Jack's Charrie's Empty Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum