Jack's Charrie's

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Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame on Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:31 pm

Name: Jack Harkness
Creature: Demi-God
Gender:male
Age/Birthday: 13/ 15/07/1998
Country of Origin:Scotland
Years at Camp:2
Mortal Family:Missing
God Parent:Ares
Skills/Talents:swordplay, wrestling
Powers:War and Battle strategy (Gran Mom is Athena) War helps him in BATTLE And Battle Strategy helps him Plan.
Flaws (min 2):Anger and Trust Don't anger Him But you can Trust him although he can't trust you!
Weapons:a sword and dagger
Pets:none
Physical Appearance (min 5 sentences): He is 5'10". He has Brown hair, Blue eyes. He wears Black metal combat pants, a Punk shirt and ripped jean jacket (no sleeves) and Blue sport shades over his eyes.
Personality: He is ADHD and Dyslexic. He's rude to guys and certain girls. He hates allies dying. He want to destroy the Titans. He gets angry extremely quick. He loves hockey.
History (min 5 sentences):He ran away from home but he's always welcome back. He was captured by Luke Castellen and was forced to join the titan army. A few years later he ran away for them and made his way to camp half blood. He's dated 4 girls. His Training is taught by His father Ares.
Other Notes About Character:Year-Round
Rough copy.


Last edited by Jack Harkness on Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:05 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Hawk on Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:47 pm

Ares does not have control over Fire or water.
could you expand on all your sections, it is very minimal, and I would like to see some more effort.

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Lucius Marks: Kronos, 16 (Brown) Titan Temple
Khait: Geb, 19 (Red) (CL)
Zared: Centaur, 17 (Cyan)
Jovan Smith: Dionysus, 14 (Green) (CL)
Nico di Angelo: Hades, 14 (Olive) (CL)
Jonas Haens: Nyx, 15 (Indigo) Titan Temple
Devlin O'Brien: Hephaestus-Apollo, 15 (Orange)
Chandler Hold: Nyx, 17 (Blue) (CL)
Mitchel Harlan: Ares, 16 (Yellow) (CL)
Adele Hammond: Aphrodite, 25 (Violet) (CL)
Louis Connors: Satyr, 15 (White)
Tobias Clark: Asclepius, 14 (Dark Blue) (CL)
Falcon King: Apollo, 13 (Dark Red) Courtyard
Daxon Johns: Zeus, 16 (Bold Green) New York
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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Lord_Blazy on Mon Jan 09, 2012 8:06 pm

Expand more. Don't use choppy sentences like you have. Expand on the flaws a bit. Make it longer. Fill us in more than this. Don't just label his likes, say more about HIM. And please just expand. Thank you ^-^

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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame on Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:32 pm

Name: David Harkness
Creature: Demi-Titan
Gender: Male
Age/Birthday: He is 14. 15/07/1997
Country of Origin: Scotland
Years at Camp: 2
Mortal Family: Missing
God Parent: Oceanus: sea
Skills/Talents (min 2): sword play, swimming
Powers - Must Relate to God Parent (min 2): Hydro-kinetics and Hydroponics
Flaws (min 2): Personal loyalty and Hubris
Weapons: Same as Jack
Pets: None yet
Physical Appearance (min 5 sentences): He is 5'10". He has Dirty Blonde hair, Green eyes. He wears red metal combat pants, a Punk shirt and ripped jean jacket (no sleeves) and Red sport shades over his eyes. Also he wears a Necklace that turns into Armour.
Personality (min 5 sentences): He is ADHD. He has a issue with allies dying. He has a heights problem. He is very random. He loves drowning people.
History (min 5 sentences): He and Jack live together in the same House with a couple of friends. The time without their mom is ridiculous. They have both dated 4 girls. The amount of time in the ocean is crazy for him. He is trusted by Jack
Other Notes about Character: Same as Jack.

rough copy


Last edited by Jack Harkness on Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:03 pm; edited 7 times in total
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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Hawk on Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:38 pm

you need to expand more on the Physical Appearance, Personality, and History

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Lucius Marks: Kronos, 16 (Brown) Titan Temple
Khait: Geb, 19 (Red) (CL)
Zared: Centaur, 17 (Cyan)
Jovan Smith: Dionysus, 14 (Green) (CL)
Nico di Angelo: Hades, 14 (Olive) (CL)
Jonas Haens: Nyx, 15 (Indigo) Titan Temple
Devlin O'Brien: Hephaestus-Apollo, 15 (Orange)
Chandler Hold: Nyx, 17 (Blue) (CL)
Mitchel Harlan: Ares, 16 (Yellow) (CL)
Adele Hammond: Aphrodite, 25 (Violet) (CL)
Louis Connors: Satyr, 15 (White)
Tobias Clark: Asclepius, 14 (Dark Blue) (CL)
Falcon King: Apollo, 13 (Dark Red) Courtyard
Daxon Johns: Zeus, 16 (Bold Green) New York
http://demigodacademy.forumotion.net/t300-hawk-s-charries
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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by spaceraiderz on Tue Jan 10, 2012 2:33 pm

Okay, so I know you've already been told by these guys to expand, but I'm going to make another suggestion. Before you post a character, run it through a Word document. This'll check for grammar and spelling mistakes. Also, using Word, you could measure how many words are actually in your sections, and set yourself targets, i.e. 200 words for History, 100 for Personality, etc etc.
All we're trying to do is help you improve your writing ability. You'll thank us some day, believe me. ^^;

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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame on Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:03 pm

Spoiler:
Name: Jack Harkness
Creature: Demi-God
Gender: Male
Age/Birthday: 13/ 15/07/1998
Country of Origin: Scotland
Years at Camp: 2
Mortal Family: Missing
God Parent: Ares
Skills/Talents: swordplay, wrestling
Powers: War and Battle strategy (Gran Mom is Athena) War helps him in BATTLE and Battle Strategy helps him Plan.
Flaws (min 2): Anger and Trust Don't anger Him But you can Trust him although he can't trust you! Jack only trusts best friend's, sibling's and half- siblings.
Weapons: a Sword and Dagger
Pets: none
Physical Appearance (min 5 sentences): He is 5'10". He has Brown hair and Blue eyes. He wears Black metal combat pants, a Punk shirt and ripped jean jacket (no sleeves) and Blue sport shades over his eyes.
Personality: He is ADHD and Dyslexic. He's rude to guys and certain girls. He hates allies dying. He wants to destroy the Titans. He gets angry extremely quick. He loves hockey.
History (min 5 sentences): He ran away from home but he's always welcome back. He was captured by Luke Castellan and was forced to join the titan army. A few years later he ran away for them and made his way to camp half blood. He's dated 4 girls. His Training is taught by His father Ares.
Other Notes about Character: Year-Round

Spoiler:
Name: David Harkness
Creature: Demi-Titan
Gender: Male
Age/Birthday: He is 14. 15/07/1997
Country of Origin: Scotland
Years at Camp: 2
Mortal Family: Missing
God Parent: Oceanus: sea
Skills/Talents (min 2): sword play, swimming
Powers - Must Relate to God Parent (min 2): Hydro-kinetics and Hydroponics
Flaws (min 2): Personal loyalty and Hubris
Weapons: Same as Jack
Pets: None yet
Physical Appearance (min 5 sentences): He is 5'10". He has Dirty Blonde hair and Green eyes. He wears red metal combat pants, a Punk shirt and red ripped jean jacket (no sleeves) and Red sport shades over his eyes. Also he wears a Necklace that turns into Armour. David can turn it into Armour via a). twisting it twice or b). going from short form to long form.
Personality (min 5 sentences): He is ADHD. He has a issue with allies dying. He has a heights problem. He is very random. He loves drowning people.
History (min 5 sentences): He and Jack live together in the same House with a couple of friends. The time without their mom is ridiculous. They have both dated 4 girls. The amount of time in the ocean is crazy for him. He is trusted by Jack
Other Notes about Character: Same as Jack.


Last edited by Jack Harkness on Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:58 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by #Megz on Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:16 pm

Jack is accepted.
For David could you elaborate more on his necklace turning into armor?

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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by #Megz on Wed Jan 11, 2012 4:02 pm

David is accepted

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Terra Salezar,15,Daughter of Hades,Complicated
Crysanthemum Bouvier,17,Daughter of Persephone,Engaged to Zidane Tribal
Carla Marie Macintosh,16, Daughter of Vulcan,Dating Damon Petrova
Coralline Theresa Conception ,17, Daughter of Rhea and granddaughter of Leto, Dating Alec Flores
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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame on Wed Jan 11, 2012 4:40 pm

Thank you megz!
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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Gh0stFlame on Mon Mar 05, 2012 6:36 pm

Spoiler:

Full Name: Angelica Rose Teller
Nick Names (Optional): Angie
Creature: Half Blood
Gender: Female
Age/Birthday: She is 15 and was born on July fifteenth 1996.
Birth Place: Canada
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Years at Camp:3
Mortal Family: Laura Elizabeth Teller (Mother. Missing) Leo Jordan teller (Brother)
Immortal Family: Apollo
Demi-god Family: Leo Jordan Teller .
Pets: A Red-Tailed Falcon named Alexis.
Weapons: Bow and 1 Quiver (The Quiver Contains 90 plus arrows’) a couple of daggers
Eyes: Green eyes
Hair: Brown hair
Height:5’5”
Weight:100 Lbs.
Skin: Caucasian
Accessories: Red sport shades over her eyes.
Clothes: She wears red metal combat pants, a Punk shirt and red ripped jean jacket (no sleeves).
Personality:
Likes: Guys
Dislikes: Titans, Stranger’s.
Fears: Spiders and Titan’s
Skills/Talents: Archery, Knivery
Powers (Optional): prophecy, healing
Flaws: Personal loyalty And Hubris
History Before camp: Leo was born in Canada. He has been constantly on the move ever since his mom went missing. As Leo left for the USA , she felt out of breath and feel to the ground. Two minutes later or so, her father, Apollo, show up and says “’Come my daughter you need to see something”’ Angelica is Dazed and says “’What?’” extremely groggily. “’You are really close to the border, closer than you realize!” two days after her encounter with her dad, Angelica arrives at Demi god academy.
History Since Camp: Zero quests, Zero Nothing
Dating: No one


Spoiler:

Full Name: Leo David Jordan Tellerf
Nick Names (Optional): DJ
Creature:Half-Blood
Gender: Male
Age/Birthday: He is 15 and was born on July fifteenth 1996.
Birth Place: Canada
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Years at Camp: 2
Mortal Family: Laura Elizabeth Teller (Mother. Missing) Angelica Rose Teller (Sister)
Immortal Family: Apollo
Demi-god Family: Angelica Rose Teller (Sister)
Pets: A Hawk named Striker
Weapons: Bow and 1 Quiver (The Quiver Contains 90 plus arrows’) a couple of daggers
Eyes: Steel-Blue eyes
Hair: Brown hair
Height:5’6”
Weight: 120lbs
Skin: Caucasian
Accesories: a good luck charm, Sports shades
Clothes: He wears Blue metal combat pants, a Punk shirt and a Denim Blue ripped jean jacket (no sleeves).
Personality: He is Adhd. He is also Ocd. (Ocd means Obsessive Compulsive disorder.) He is autistic. He is Crazy.
Likes: Girls
Dislikes: Titans, Stranger’s
Fears: Spiders and Titan’s
Skills/Talents: Archery, Knivery
Powers (Optional): Prophecy, Healing
Flaws: Personal loyalty And Hubris
History before Camp: Leo was born in Canada. He has been constantly on the move ever since his mom went missing. On his first day of his trip, Leo grabbed a cup of coffee at the Tim Horton’s. He ordered an extra large coffee 1 cream 2 sugar and met on of his grade school friends who said “’Leo haven’t seen you around lately” ‘ “’Yeah I know . Look I need to tell you something”’ “’what is it bro?”’ “’I’m the son of a Greek god “’ “’what?”’ “’I know I know now I have to get going and you should to”’ As Leo left for the US A , he felt out of breath and feel to the ground. Two minutes later or so, his father, Apollo, show up and says “’Come my son you need to see something”’ Leo is Dazed and says “’What?’” extremely groggily. “’You are really close to the border, closer than you realize!” two days after his encounter with his dad Leo arrives at Demi god academy.
History Since Camp: Zero quests, Zero Nothing
Dating:


Last edited by Cpt. Jack Harkness on Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:15 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Hawk on Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:28 pm

can you add more for personality and fears. Leo needs a physical appearance, and Angelica needs a history.

_________________
Lucius Marks: Kronos, 16 (Brown) Titan Temple
Khait: Geb, 19 (Red) (CL)
Zared: Centaur, 17 (Cyan)
Jovan Smith: Dionysus, 14 (Green) (CL)
Nico di Angelo: Hades, 14 (Olive) (CL)
Jonas Haens: Nyx, 15 (Indigo) Titan Temple
Devlin O'Brien: Hephaestus-Apollo, 15 (Orange)
Chandler Hold: Nyx, 17 (Blue) (CL)
Mitchel Harlan: Ares, 16 (Yellow) (CL)
Adele Hammond: Aphrodite, 25 (Violet) (CL)
Louis Connors: Satyr, 15 (White)
Tobias Clark: Asclepius, 14 (Dark Blue) (CL)
Falcon King: Apollo, 13 (Dark Red) Courtyard
Daxon Johns: Zeus, 16 (Bold Green) New York
http://demigodacademy.forumotion.net/t300-hawk-s-charries
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Re: Jack's Charrie's

Post by Hawk on Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:20 pm

OK my biggest problem with these two charries is that they are pretty much exactly the same charrie, so I want you to come up with two different ideas, and try not to make them related to eachother that way you wont be able to put the same things down for both of them.

_________________
Lucius Marks: Kronos, 16 (Brown) Titan Temple
Khait: Geb, 19 (Red) (CL)
Zared: Centaur, 17 (Cyan)
Jovan Smith: Dionysus, 14 (Green) (CL)
Nico di Angelo: Hades, 14 (Olive) (CL)
Jonas Haens: Nyx, 15 (Indigo) Titan Temple
Devlin O'Brien: Hephaestus-Apollo, 15 (Orange)
Chandler Hold: Nyx, 17 (Blue) (CL)
Mitchel Harlan: Ares, 16 (Yellow) (CL)
Adele Hammond: Aphrodite, 25 (Violet) (CL)
Louis Connors: Satyr, 15 (White)
Tobias Clark: Asclepius, 14 (Dark Blue) (CL)
Falcon King: Apollo, 13 (Dark Red) Courtyard
Daxon Johns: Zeus, 16 (Bold Green) New York
http://demigodacademy.forumotion.net/t300-hawk-s-charries
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